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劍橋商務(wù)英語初級(jí)寫作指導(dǎo)

時(shí)間:2025-03-25 04:52:08 劍橋商務(wù)英語 我要投稿

2017年劍橋商務(wù)英語初級(jí)寫作范文指導(dǎo)

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2017年劍橋商務(wù)英語初級(jí)寫作范文指導(dǎo)

  作文題目:

  You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.

  Write a memo of 40-50 words:

  informing staff of the shutdown

  telling them when it will happen

  asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.

  老師提示:

  商務(wù)寫作中遵循的原則是:簡潔,精確,禮貌。在考試中或者工作中,格式基本已經(jīng) 給出,所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當(dāng),一針見血,語法正確,不出低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫作,所以在句子選擇上可以適當(dāng)放寬,不必太正式。

  作文一:

  MEMORANDUM

  from : Tom TO : all staff

  date : 25/8

  Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .

  I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]

  名師修改意見:

  [1]Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結(jié)構(gòu),看起來不夠?qū)I(yè),改為:As we plan to upgrade.....

  [2]有中式英文的痕跡:我要求你們。。。。改為:please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.

  [3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計(jì)劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.

  作文二:

  From: office manager

  To: all staff

  Subject: the company system

  I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]

  Thank you.[5]

  名師修改意見:

  [1]去掉這個(gè)開頭,直接用被動(dòng)語態(tài)開頭。

  [2]去掉,多余了。

  [3]如果你不能保證用長復(fù)句可以表達(dá)清楚,那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個(gè)短句也許表達(dá)更貼切呢。

  [4]這句話看起來非常不清楚,主語在哪里?please 的后面是嗎?改成:please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.

  [5]另換一行

  作文三:

  Dear all:

  The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.

  It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]

  Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

  名師修改意見:

  [1]夠干練了,語法錯(cuò)誤多。 Be shut down

  [2]去掉

  [3]Access to

  [4]On it?

  作文四:

  From: office Manager

  To: all staff

  Subject: upgarde of computer system

  As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.

  名師修改意見:

  [1]第一: 不要重復(fù)使用前面已經(jīng)用過的詞;第二:指代錯(cuò)誤,前面說的system 是單數(shù),怎么到這里變成了them? 合成一句:as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.

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